Losing Touch

So I'm guessing this is what it's like to be in the middle of your twenties. I feel kind of lost because I don't really relate to the school girl version of me anymore and yet I am nowhere near being an adult. And if you were to ask me, this is bloody scary.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life and on some level it is very nice and brings a lot of freedom. But the exact moment I tend to calm down about growing up I get a silent panic attack: Where do you see yourself in five years? Don't get me wrong, I am so appreciative of the life I am able to lead - from attending classes to drinking the night away with friends. And I always get over the little panic attacks because I figured, that in the end it'll all work out and that trying to plan your future is a waste of efford.

BUT! (believe me, capslock is appropriate) There's one thing that gets to me more than anything: Losing touch. As I said, I am not the school girl version of Chrissie anymore and all those people that were my best friends, are now strangers. I can't seem to communicate with them anymore. Whenever I see them somewhere we don't even stop to say "hi". Most of the time we just nod politely and walk on. It's as if w

Memorabilia from the early days around 2010. (picture from 2013)

e both knew something awful about the other person and we feel the best way to keep it a secret is to never speak to each other again. Ever. We spent so many hours together and even had a band and drank beer and sat through boring classes and comforted the other one when an exam didn't go so well and partied hard when we graduated from grammar school. As if we knew that this would be our last night as best friends, as closest people, we drank bubbly and sang along with our favourite songs. It scares me that not only we lost touch so rapidly, but also that mist of the time I don't even mind because at least it was real.

Let me tell you this: I would much rather lose touch to one real friend after the other than have no real friends at all. And as I am writing this I remember all those great times I had with those amazing people and one thing rings clear to me:

You may lose touch to people, people may lose touch to you. But none of you, those who have been there, will ever lose touch to the memories you created together.